IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Majority of people believe building more spots facility is a good way for government to improve people's health while others do not think so. What is your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that having facility spots is a good
way
Use synonyms
 to improve people's health. It is a commonly held belief that building more spots is not the best
way
Use synonyms
 for crowd health; there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, l consider that the best
way
Use synonyms
 for the government is to build more facilities , which l agree with
this
Linking Words
 statment 100%.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
spot
Use synonyms
 facilities are a great
way
Use synonyms
 to relax.
In other words
Linking Words
, a person can chill and not think about life, decreasing their stress.
In addition
Linking Words
, every
spot
Use synonyms
 facility has a large pool and at least 40 workers , a daily lunch , and dinner.
For example
Linking Words
, a known place called ' Chill
Spot
Use synonyms
 ' in the US is one of the famous places that provides with best services. Another point to consider, it improves public health and mood. It is possible to say that if you are having a bad day and are sad, the best thing to do for yourself is to book a room in a sports facility to enjoy the experience.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most rich people build more buildings to earn more money because the public loves
this
Linking Words
 kind of place.
For instance
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 week I went to one for the first time and had a great time, l would do it again soon. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I tend to believe that everyone should at least once in their life visit a
spot
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it should increase the building of more of them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction should clearly reflect your opinion and help the reader see your main points. Make sure your argument is straightforward and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer transitions between your ideas to improve the flow of your essay. This will help readers understand the connections between your points more easily.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and details about why sports facilities help health, such as studies or statistics. This shows deeper understanding and supports your points better.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and you express it strongly in your essay. It's great that you have a personal example that connects to your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: