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Writing Samples
Band 6

In countries that have already achieved affluence, any additional economic wealth would not make people happier. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #affluence #wealth #people
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Citizens in affluent developed
countries
Use synonyms
 are definitely more fortunate than their impoverished counterparts in the developing world, but does it necessarily mean that people's happiness and well-being in these wealthier
countries
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 are no longer boosted by additional monetary gain? In my opinion, I cannot agree with
this
Linking Words
 assertion. To embark
on
Change preposition
apply
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, the fact that the country is affluent does not mean all of the citizens are wealthy, in
fact
Add a comma
,fact
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 it never does. Income disparity in these
countries
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 can be gigantic and the public with lower wages can be just living paycheck-to-paycheck.
Besides
Linking Words
, to some of these groups, unemployment is something that comes back to haunt them intermittently. To them, apparently, having more to spend on food or children's toys does lift their living standards and happiness.
Additionally
Linking Words
, even
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the middle-class in developed
countries
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, the rampant inflation caused by
unabated
Correct article usage
the unabated
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 printing of money everywhere has caused widespread anxieties. The worries of people are very real. All kinds of groceries, medical expenses and costs of accommodation just risen above all imaginations over the years.
For example
Linking Words
, if one wants to have timely private medical treatment in the future
instead
Linking Words
 of staying in endless queues for public medical doctors , or to have their kids
receiving
Wrong verb form
receive
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 an education at the best universities, they might have to save a fortune for that. It is reasonable to say, every normal person today who is well aware of the risk that public medical services will be overwhelmed, earning more now and being able to pay for better medical insurance definitely helps to mitigate some of his worries. To conclude, the existence of lower-income groups and people's worries about inflation both suggest that even the citizens in affluent
countries
Use synonyms
 are not free from anxieties, and earning more wealth can somehow alleviate their anxieties and boost their states of happiness.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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