IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 I largely agree that
music
Use synonyms
 can be a powerful unifier and enabler of understanding between people from different backgrounds, it is
also
Linking Words
 a double-edged sword, as it can actually divide entire groups. Certainly,
music
Use synonyms
 has the power to transcend cultural, racial and generational barriers. A good example is jazz, which emerged in a specific cultural environment amongst the African-American community in the southern United States, but
nevertheless
Linking Words
 quickly expanded beyond its historical and ethnic base. It has inspired many styles and is itself performed and listened to around the world today, building on improvisation, freedom of expression and the celebration of diversity, which are universal values.
However
Linking Words
, what is important to recognise is that neither
music
Use synonyms
’s capacity to bring people together universally applies nor do all genres emphasise euphoria and lightheartedness. Some lyrics carry strong political and social undertones, which,
while
Linking Words
 uniting listeners who share these views, can significantly polarise others.
For example
Linking Words
, the American band Green Day actively addressed civil rights issues, media work, and anti-war sentiments in their lyrics. If there is one thing that artists and other influential people can do deliberately, it is to use their media presence to spread messages that promote certain beliefs.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
 illustrates how
music
Use synonyms
 can actually be a powerful tool, finding a response not only amongst fans and like-minded individuals, uniting them around common ideas, but
also
Linking Words
 pushing away others with opposite, but equally strong views. In conclusion, despite the fact that I firmly believe in the power of
music
Use synonyms
 to advance culture and be a source of community, we should remember its multifaceted connection between politics, ideology, world issues and identity and perhaps the avant-garde nature of the artists and their ability to
also
Linking Words
 provoke confrontation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Although you present a clear opinion on the topic, strengthening the connections between your points could enhance the overall flow.
task achievement
Consider introducing additional specific examples that showcase both the unifying and dividing aspects of music, as this will further support your argument.
task achievement
Clarifying the link between genres and their cultural implications would improve the depth of your analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which effectively communicates your viewpoint.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example of jazz and referenced Green Day, illustrating your points effectively while showing awareness of different music genres.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: