IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In marriages today, some argue that it is the responsibility of both spouses to earn a living for the family. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#marriages #argue #responsibility #spouses
From past to present, the world has evolved and changed in many ways principally in terms of marriage perspectives. Some people claim that
both
spouses
 have to
gain
Verb problem
make
show examples
 a living for their own
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
,
whereas
 others believe the opposite. In my point of view,
both
spouses
 should be
earned
Verb problem
treated
show examples
 equally but there are several benefits and drawbacks with regard to ethics. There are numerous reasons for proponents of
both
spouses
 to gain a living for the family.
To begin
 with, in order to ensure financial stability,they gain a good
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 state.Some
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 issues lead to maintaining unhappy marriages life and it causes sometimes even
spouses
 to have
children
,
children
's living conditions can be affected badly.
Furthermore
, unlike economic responsibilities, women and men have equal rights.
Hence
,parents must
need
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work to fulfil the
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 of the family. Taking on greater responsibilities from husbands and wives brings about careful expenditures. Shortly, that woman and man provide their own families with economic support and the importance of caring for equal rights.
On the other hand
,
this
 intense work-life for families causes neglecting their own
children
 and mental health.
For instance
, the care of
children
 of married working couples has big issues
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
children
's mental health as
children
 usually feel lonely and feel a lack of family love or affection.These drawbacks bring about mental disorders in
children
.
That is
 why parents try setting up their own work schedules. If
this
 issue is
eager
Correct word choice
easy
show examples
 to handle, parents can be increased work times.
To sum up
, with the new developments, marriages play a crucial role in the world. In my opinion,
both
spouses
 to earn a living for their own family but
this
 case can be balanced because preventing mental problems for
children
.
Submitted by idilim1230 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Include specific examples to illustrate your points and make your arguments more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas and help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: