IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Young people are often influenced by their peers. Do the advantages of peer pressure outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #peers #peer #pressure
There is no doubt that
everyone
Replace the word
every one
show examples
 of us, especially the young, can be affected by the people around
them
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
. While
this
 phenomenon has a negative impact, which is making the youth act in an irresponsible way, I believe it is outweighed by the positives. These could be pushing them to live
life
 to the fullest and
performing
Wrong verb form
perform
show examples
 better academically.
Firstly
, the main disadvantage of peer pressure is that it leads some adolescents to act irresponsibly. An example of
this
 can be seen when a high school teenager is pushed into trying illegal drugs or smoking cigarettes because his friends are doing so.
This
 could be because he is afraid of being ridiculed by them, or simply because he wants to be a part of the group.
However
, there are more valuable benefits of peer pressure. The
first
 one is achieving better academic grades.
This
 is usually the result of students competing with each other academically. If a student,
for instance
, is surrounded by smart colleagues who care about their studies, he will attain higher grades to be at the same level as his peers.
Furthermore
, friends can push their peers into getting more
life
 experience. As not only will they encourage them to travel and see more of the world, but they will
also
 help get them out of their 'comfort
zone'
Correct your spelling
zone
show examples
.
This
 applies specifically to introverts who tend to shy away from social gatherings and
life
 experiences in general. In conclusion,
although
 peer pressure has drawbacks, like reckless behaviour, I believe that it is compensated for by the advantages, which are higher academic achievement and fuller
life
 experience.
Submitted by aymanshabakaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: