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Band 6

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed.

#television #children #two #five
Nowadays,
advertisements
 have an important role in tempting individuals to buy a specific thing. It is a widely held view that
television
 should be monitored tightly not to show
advertisements
 for
children
, a theory which I fully subscribe to. The main justification why showing
children
advertisements
 on
television
 is not fruitful is the fact that they can be more affected than grown-ups by the visual aspects of the show like the graphical vision and
also
 the song which is not a good criterion to buy for buying a material.
This
 can lead to having a high and meanwhile emotional interest
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in owning that possession. Another explanation is
due to
 the fact that in today’s climate
children
 are the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of attention in the family and parents desire to provide everything for them, buying these toys would be not affordable for countless parents and put them under pressure. There are a few facts regarding the benefits of banning
television
advertisements
 directed towards
children
. First and foremost, parents who are the wiser people can decide what is better for their child. They can research all aspects of that toy in order to be safe and educational.
Therefore
, in
this
 case, kids can have more suitable toys.
Last
 but not least, the cost of advertising is so extravagant,
consequently
 the price of that product would be high enough to cover the expense of advertising.
In other words
, there may be no logical relation between the product quality and its price. By advertisement control, not only brings social advantages but
also
 reduces the price, too. What can be concluded from the above is that I find myself among the believers who think
television
 advertising can have more effect on
children
 than adults,
therefore
 it should be prevented.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to present the main idea.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas and paragraphs using appropriate cohesive devices. Avoid overusing a single linking word; use synonyms and different structures to vary your language.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully by ensuring your arguments cover various aspects of the topic. Expand on your reasons for agreeing or disagreeing with the statement given.
task achievement
Clarify your stance on the topic by providing a clear thesis statement in the introduction and restate your opinion in different words in the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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