IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #holiday #country #travel
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the near
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 we assume that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 will begin to plan their holidays in
motherland
Correct pronoun usage
their motherland
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of going to a foreign land.
This
Linking Words
 assumption can be backed up by the fact of economical decline and war observed all around the world. For sure there will be tourists going abroad but the numbers will most probably decrease. Below you may find 2 paragraphs agreeing and one paragraph disagreeing with the possibility of
people
Use synonyms
 choosing their own
country
Use synonyms
 for tourism.
First
Linking Words
 of all the biggest reason why
people
Use synonyms
 will not leave their
country
Use synonyms
 for tourism is
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
. For an ordinary American to visit the rest of the world is easier than
an
Change preposition
for an
show examples
 ordinary
Turkish
Use synonyms
 since the annual income has a huge difference.
This
Linking Words
 difference is due to the loss of value of
Use synonyms
Turkish
Correct article usage
the Turkish
show examples
 lira against
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
 Dollar. 5 years ago an average income
Turkish
Use synonyms
person
Use synonyms
 could dream about going to vacation to Europe with a cheap ticket paid long before the travel date and reserves accumulated with 12 monthly salaries.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays the same
person
Use synonyms
 has to wait 24 months until he can barely afford a vacation beyond borders.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 there is the fact of some warring
countries
Use synonyms
 and civil conflict in others. More and more
countries
Use synonyms
 lose their stability over time due to
external
Correct article usage
the external
show examples
 influence of more powerful
countries
Use synonyms
 or again economical decline. These facts are causing cold feet to
people
Use synonyms
 who can even afford the travel.
People
Use synonyms
 want to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peace of mind when they go to a
five star
Add a hyphen
five-star
show examples
Hotel
Fix capitalization
hotel
show examples
 or even to historical places of ancient culture. It doesn’t matter how beautiful the foreign
country
Use synonyms
 is. The instinct of self-preservation and the feeling of
comfort
Add an article
the comfort
show examples
 zone will not allow one to travel. Despite these heavy points, we shall
also
Linking Words
 consider that there is always a cheaper
country
Use synonyms
 to go to.
This
Linking Words
 enables a
person
Use synonyms
 to visit a
country
Use synonyms
 which has less valuable currency and cheaper hotels, food etc.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 again an ordinary
Turkish
Use synonyms
person
Use synonyms
 can visit Egypt relatively easier than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
. To conclude the subject one can easily say that money and war can sway even the most determined holiday junkies. If we consider a more common example holidays are generally experienced with loved ones.
This
Linking Words
 will prevent the parents or the spouse from taking unnecessary risks where –in fact- there shall be no risks at all. The world is changing and it is not going in a better direction. Planning a holiday is cheaper and safer in our own
country
Use synonyms
 not to mention easier. It is not ideal but in the near future tourism will be regrettably less
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
.
Submitted by kademblack on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
What to do next:
Look at other essays: