IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

People doing dangerous sports activities should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing the sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports #activities #life #rescue #workers #risk #lives
There is an opinion that rescuers should not put their lives in danger in order to take care lives of
people
 who participate in adventurous activities as a hobby.
This
 essay totally disagrees with that state. In my opinion, it
is rescue
Change the verb form
is rescued
is rescuing
show examples
 workers' duty to ensure the safety of
people
 no matter what they have done. It is argued that adventure lovers should be responsible for their own actions.
However
, enjoying dangerous sports does not mean that they do not care about their own safety. In fact,
people
 who play adventurous
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 are usually well-trained with safety regulations.
Also
, while involve in these activities, participants usually have the insurance to secure their life in case an accident happens.
Therefore
, everyone has their own right to enjoy their hobby, even if it is not considered a safe activity. More importantly, I believe saving
people
 should be
responsible
Correct article usage
the responsible
show examples
of
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 rescuers despite being put in a dangerous situation. Rescue workers have been professionally trained and well-equipped to do the job.
Moreover
, they are paid to save
people
.
Therefore
, it is their duty to help
people
 who are in danger. In conclusion, everybody should be free to do what they want and rescuers should be the ones to be counted on when their lives
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 put in danger.
Submitted by phn.anh87 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: