The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this trend can bring negative influences on the youths and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#amount #leisure #time #centres #trend #influences #youths #society

it is concerned that spending the young's spare hour going around the mall has a bad effect on society as well as the youths and I partially agree with

this

idea.in the essay I am going to pose my opinion and give some reasons for my agreement and disagreement.

first

of all,I think on one hand young people are the main work source of the society so they should be occupied with their work and they should be thought about the value of cash and the concept of saving salary as well as how the days are precious and they shouldn't waste their life on some activity that not only is it time-consuming but

also

so addictive.I think after a while of spending your moments and your payment on purchase something, it will become your habit and you couldn't stop it and

this

is especially true about the adolescents because their personality is vulnerable and they are more susceptible to their peer groups so the influence of spending free time just for buying things and spend a vast amount of money on some consumer goods can be contagious. but on the other ,hand the young have a right to choose the activity that they want to do in their leisure activity because I think they reach cognitive milestones which allow them to think thoroughly and accept the consequences of their action so if they want to spend their time on shopping centre we can't do anything about it as it is their preference and sometimes there is nothing more exist to enjoy your hours with so inevitably it is the only choice that they have. in conclusion, I agree that the young spend a lot of their free time in shopping centres and

this

action has a bad influence on the other young ones but I disagree with the fact that it has a bad influence on the society I think sometimes it helps young people to meet new friends and they get better at their communication.

Submitted by mhssabaghi on Wed Jun 08 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

337 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

leisure time
shopping centre
negative influences
trend
materialism
consumer culture
impulsive buying
financial strain
exposure
physical activity
social interactions
small businesses

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Fully explain your ideas

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