IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in business is by the amount of money they make. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #judge #someone’s #success #business #amount #money
To be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 owner, yearly
profit
is always be
Change the verb form
is always
show examples
 their most concern factor. Some people believe that the amount of
money
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 by the owner is the only
wat
Correct your spelling
way
show examples
 to judge their
success
. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
 statement. It
Change the verb form
does not
did not
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 doubt that
profit
 is important but
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to
society
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sustainable business are more important.
Firstly
,
money
 is not the only way to show
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
success
 in business. A successful
company
 should contribute to
society
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other word they can not do something
harm
Fix the infinitive
to harm
show examples
 the
society
.
For instance
, companies may earn less because they buy an eco-friendly material
that is
 more expensive than traditional materials. As the result
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 reduce the pollution of the environment
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not related to
money
. It
Add a missing verb
is evidence
show examples
evidence
Change the verb form
evidences
show examples
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
success
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 only relate to
money
.
Secondly
, it is easy to earn a great amount of
money
 in a short period but how to sustain is a big question. It is necessary to build up a good impression of the
company
. A good image can attract
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 rebuy the goods and consist the income of the
company
.
For example
, If a
company
 sell
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
bad quality goods, in the
first
 year they may have a good income but in the
second
 year customer
unwilling
Add a missing verb
are unwilling
show examples
 to
but
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
 those goods again,
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 outcome the
company
 may have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 loss in account.
Thus
, a
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
company
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
not focuses
Change the verb form
does not focus
show examples
 on a short period but long
tarm
Correct your spelling
term
profit
. In conclusion,
profit
 is not the only factor to show the
company
Change noun form
company's
show examples
success
. There are many other factors to judge someone’s
success
. I hope, in the future, more employee
aware
Add a missing verb
are aware
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 ability to
society
 and provide better quality
produces
Replace the word
products
show examples
.
Submitted by krt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: