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Band 4

Many government think that economic progress is the most important goal.some people however thinks that other types of progress are equally important Discuss both view and give your opinion

#government #progress #people
Majority of political unit leaders
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that financial growth plays a major role in a nation, while some people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 of the opinion that other areas
such
 as public services
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
 paramount.
This
 trend
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 become a major concern these days and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be addressed.In
tis
Correct your spelling
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I am going to discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 and draw a conclusion.
First
 of all,
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
 progress creates an avenue for employment in developed countries, and people
finds
Change the verb form
find
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 it easier to get employed ,
this
 is because many industries are made available for employment
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
creates
Wrong verb form
creating
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 job opportunities which in turn generates tax revenue for
nation
Add an article
the nation
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.
In addition
 ,financial growth improves
standard
Correct article usage
the standard
show examples
living
Change preposition
of living
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 among individuals in a geographical area and
eliminate
Correct subject-verb agreement
eliminates
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 poverty while
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
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 high standard is assured.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand , members of a giving society
belief
Replace the word
believe
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 that other aspects of a
state
Change noun form
state's
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 growth like
health
 and education
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 crucial.Take
for instance
 ,in a community where
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
 proportion is educated, political and civic issues are well understood.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
health
 services can
cannot
Remove the redundancy
not
show examples
 be underestimated, there is
this
 saying ,
health
 is wealth,
therefore
 without a healthy society apparently, nothing is going to be achieved
therefore
well-being
Add an article
the well-being
show examples
 of a society should be held in high regard. To sum up,
although
 it is a common thought that financial progress is very necessary, having a good number of literate individuals who are
also
 in a state of good
health
 is of paramount significance.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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