IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, the government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both sides and giver your opinion.

#countries #government #money #arts #people #health #education #giver
Nowadays,
arts
,
health
 and
education
 are the most paramount factors for the overall growth of a nation financially and socially. Some
people
 advocate that spending more earnings on
arts
 is more beneficial as it protects the native
people
's culture and customs.
On the other hand
, some
people
 think that the government should pay more for
health
 and
education
, as these are primary factors for the development. I believe that spending on
health
 and
education
 is more beneficial because it can improve the financial condition of a nation. On one side of the argument, there are numerous
people
 who preferred to spend more money on the
arts
.There are many reasons behind
this
.
Firstly
, they think that
this
 is the best approach to preserve native
people
's culture and customs
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because due to the detrimental
Replace the word
effect
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 of modernisation,
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 population is moving forward and do not care much about their inherited traditions.
Moreover
, if the ministry
construct
Change the verb form
constructs
show examples
 more museums and promote handmade ornaments,
this
 will
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 encourage local authorities to promote their
amcient
Correct your spelling
ancient
 and antique
arts
. As a
resul
Correct your spelling
result
,
people
 can earn more money and become financially independent.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that the legal authorities should invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
 and
education
 as these are prompt factors for
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 growth of a country.
For example
, the developed countries
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 free
education
 and free healthcare services which
encourges
Correct your spelling
encourages
 new generations to gain more
education
 and promote their nation
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
. In conclusion, despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the above arguments, I think that the legitimate agencies should invest more dollars
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
 and
education
, as these are the roots
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the overall growth of a country
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because educated and healthy
people
 are the symbol of
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
the healthy
show examples
 and developed country.
Therefore
, the government should invest more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 as it has more monetary
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
.
Submitted by sdeepkaur9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: