IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #gap #year #school #university #work #travel #outweigh
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It is widely argued that the number of
students
Use synonyms
 taking a gap
year
Use synonyms
 before entering university for
further
Linking Words
 education is on the rise.
This
Linking Words
 essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and the demerits of
this
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 tendency before concluding that I am in favour of the former notion. On the one hand, taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off before going to university could be fraught with pitfalls. One key rationale
that is
Linking Words
 worth mentioning is that gap-
year
Use synonyms
 takers may suffer from peer pressure after resuming education. To simplify, after a period of travelling or entering the workforce, they would struggle to become familiar with hectic study schedules at college and acquire specialized knowledge, and
this
Linking Words
 could worsen their academic outcomes
as a result
Linking Words
. Another justification is that some jobs available to high school
students
Use synonyms
 are entry-level, which may not pay well.
This
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 negative trend not only gives them access to inadequate career guidance but
also
Linking Words
 puts strain on their financial background and wastes time.
This
Linking Words
 is to say, delaying tertiary education for one
year
Use synonyms
 should not be encouraged.
On the other hand
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, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that the aforementioned drawbacks pale in comparison with the profound benefits of deferring university attendance. First and foremost,
this
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 could afford
students
Use synonyms
 time to enrich life experiences or hone practical skills. Taking international
students
Use synonyms
 as an example, living abroad allows them to get exposed to the new traditional customs and indigenous practices of their alien nations
as well as
Linking Words
 become more mature in their later lives.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having a
year
Use synonyms
 off could help
students
Use synonyms
 identify a suitable career path for them.
In other words
Linking Words
, looking for job opportunities or attending vocational training would empower them to identify their own strengths and weaknesses,
therefore
Linking Words
 leaving space for them to pursue their own interests.
This
Linking Words
 acts as a precursor to enabling them to define a suitable career path, which plays a pivotal role in their future. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is irrefutable that having a
year
Use synonyms
 off could affect
students
Use synonyms
 to some extent, I would contend that the upside of
this
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 phenomenon is more noteworthy than its downside.
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clear comprehensive ideas
Consider simplifying some of the language to ensure clarity and avoid over-complicating sentences. This can help in making your ideas even more comprehensible.
relevant specific examples
While the examples provided are relevant, try to incorporate a bit more depth or variety to strengthen the argument further.
complete response
The essay delivers a complete response to the topic, effectively balancing the exploration of both advantages and disadvantages before drawing a conclusion.
logical structure
There is a clear, logical structure throughout. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining coherence and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a strong start and a convincing wrap-up to the essay.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported, providing a clear argument in favor of the benefits of taking a gap year.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year
  • real-world experience
  • personal growth
  • maturity
  • practical skills
  • CVs
  • future employment opportunities
  • broadening their horizons
  • cultural awareness
  • career goals
  • academic interests
  • academic momentum
  • rigors of study
  • financial strain
  • income source
  • personal development
  • achievements
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