Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Surgary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

A lot of produced food and drink items contain a high amount of sugar,
hence
, triggering several health concerns. I agree that these commodities should be made costly in order to discourage their consumption.
To begin
with, the wide range of sweetened products readily available to people is becoming worrisome particularly as they are considered affordable to all. Some of these goods include processed foods, fast foods, beverages and carbonated drinks.
Although
when consumed, they are enjoyable,
however
, if taken habitually, they will undoubtedly lead to many health problems. Example of these medical diseases ranges from obesity, and diabetes to heart clogs.
Additionally
, the risks of these diseases are high
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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for those consumers who neither have an active lifestyle nor exercise regularly.
Consequently
, the body stores
up
Change preposition
apply
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more sugar than it needs. To illustrate
this
, I lost a relative to diabetes in 2010. Despite being diagnosed with the disease in 2005, she continued with the habit of taking carbonated drinks and did not exercise. I agree that these overly sweetened contents should be made costly as doing so will lead to a fall in the number of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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buyers.
Moreso
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Moreover
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, the production of these products should be highly regulated so the sugar content in them is controlled.
In addition
, a healthy lifestyle
such
as exercising should be encouraged
as well as
advertisements to sensitize people on its benefits.
For instance
, following the increase in the price of the popular chocolate, Bugos which was reported to be the leading cause of obesity in a community in Lagos, the medical reports showed a decline of about 10% of patients who were diagnosed with the same. In conclusion, the idea of making excessively sweetened food and drink expensive is a quick and effective one as it will lead to a drastic fall in its consumption thereby ultimately leading to the reduction of people that would have had health challenges
as a result
.
Submitted by oruhblessing on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the main argument and avoid straying from the topic.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical order of ideas within and between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to ensure coherence.
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