IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?

#part #world #women #vote
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In certain places across the globe, the female
gender
Use synonyms
 has been deprived of the right to vote. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 rule of law is biased and robs
women
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 of their fundamental human rights and countries that practice
this
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 fail to optimize the natural intellectual capabilities of
this
Linking Words
gender
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.
Firstly
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, the exception of
women
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 from voting shows a strong bias towards the female
gender
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. In as much as men are allowed to express their right to the ballot and both genders contribute to the growth and development of the
nation
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 in terms of investing, paying of tax, spending (consumption) and saving (bank deposit),
women
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be allowed to demonstrate their right to suffrage.
Moreover
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, in every
nation
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,
women
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 contributed to half of the population size, which helped the government in budgeting and allocation of funds,
therefore
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this
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 percentage of the population should be allowed to franchise whom to go into power.
Secondly
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, it is generally believed that
women
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 are homemakers; keeping the house in harmony and in charge of the children's physical, mental and behavioural well-being, not only that, but
also
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 contribute immensely to the growth and development of the husband in the family. Refusing their participation in casting ballots for candidates of their
choices
Fix the agreement mistake
choice
show examples
 makes these countries miss out on valuable contributions and growth they would have brought to the table. They should be allowed to transfer their homemaking skill to the community at large through voting.
Moreover
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, they can contest for a political post, allowing them to directly influence the
nation
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 and make it a home to live as it is seen in history that nations perform better under
women
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's leadership. To recapitulate, the exclusion of
women
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in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 suffrage is harmful to the
nation
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 where
this
Linking Words
 rule is practised.
Thus
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, I strongly recommend the enfranchisement of the female
gender
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 and inclusion in
nation
Use synonyms
-building.

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task response
Well done on addressing the prompt and expressing your opinion clearly. Ensure to provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, with a strong introduction and conclusion. Try to connect your ideas more smoothly to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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