Nowadays people are spending more time away from home, because they spend longer time in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages?

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In the present day and age, many individuals allocate the majority of their time at
work
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rather than at home.
This
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essay will analyze both the merits and demerits of
this
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aforementioned notion as shall be elaborated presently.
To begin
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with, there are sundry reasons people prefer to
work
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extended hours.
One
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of the most significant is to mould their lives into a luxurious
lifestyles
Correct the article-noun agreement
lifestyle
show examples
.
In other words
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, owing to increasing the cost of living in
this
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hustle-bustle span,
one
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can resolve their financial burden by working long hours. As wages are directly proportional to the number of working hours;
thus
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, it may lead to more earnings which enhances their purchasing power.
In addition
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, in order to get a promotion, employees tend to show themselves as workaholics person which not only improves their skills but
also
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makes them accountable and reliable
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
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.
On the other hand
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. Despite the above advantages, it has deleterious impacts on personal life.
That is
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to say, if somebody constantly shells out the majority portion at
work
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, couples
as well as
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families perhaps could not share their issues or devastate their relationship bonds with each other;
As a result
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, the person may undergo stress and anxiety, and even more mental health issues may occur
such
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as depression.
Furthermore
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, since someone prefers to
work
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, it eventually results in physical health problems
in particular
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, namely obesity, high cholesterol and type 2 diabetes which is a commonly witnessed phenomenon in these contemporary eras. In view arguments outlined above
one
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can conclude that,
although
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money plays a crucial role in everyone's lives, disturbance or ruining personal relationships for the sake of financial growth are dire to ignore.
Submitted by rajputashutosh0009 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on strengthening the logical structure by ensuring clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, giving the essay a complete feel.
task achievement
Ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, making the essay easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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