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Band 4

The internet has transferred the way information is shared and consumed. But it has also created problem that did not exist before. what are the most serious problems associated with th internet and what solutions can you suggest.

#internet #information
A discussion about internet problems has always been
the
Correct article usage
a
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 permeative and immanent topic among intellectuals, not only, does the internet benefit as a good source of knowledge, but
also
, the dangerous harms accompanying it are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
. I am in great accord with the problems associated and I will elucidate some of them and what is the recommended solution in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, many computer users suffer from hacking their personal information,
for example
, their credit card data or their bank account
due to
 not enough information about the end-to-end encrypted methods.
However
, there are some computer applications and very good reputation banks using that technique but
also
 professional hackers can
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
seige it. The best solution is to be aware of the
last
Correct word choice
latest
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 version of anti-viral programs and the IT expertise to share their information through media.
Secondly
, some are suffering from fake news and rumours,
for example
, end-of-life news or the earth will be hit by a fireball. Not only, these scientific rumours, but
also
, some politicians or actors and actresses news make some trends for bad influencers which can produce some instability on the street.
Furthermore
, the fake distribution of pharmaceutical products without
a
Correct article usage
an
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 MOH licence and approval can lead to economic corruption. The more advantageous solution is for the government to interfere and
exaggerates
Correct subject-verb agreement
exaggerate
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 its roles.
Hence
 conclusively.the advantage of computers and the internet is more but the negative impact
also
 has considerable weight,
there fore
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
 after
throughout
Correct your spelling
thorough
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 analysis
on
Change preposition
of
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this
 subject, it is predicted to put more control over computer users either,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of IT expertise and population awareness, or, by activating the role of government and media.
Submitted by tamorah2020 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the topic of internet problems and solutions but lacks depth and specific examples. There is a need to provide more relevant and detailed content to fully address the task.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a basic logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly defined. The paragraphs lack strong transitions and coherence, resulting in a disjointed presentation of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybersecurity
  • phishing
  • identity theft
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • social isolation
  • internet addiction
  • data privacy
  • digital literacy
  • regulations
  • awareness programs
  • manipulate
  • proliferation
  • consent
  • escalated
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