Some people think that music plays an inportant role in seciety. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and gives your opinion

#people #music #inportant #role #seciety #form #entertainment

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People

hold

heterogenious

Correct your spelling

heterogeneous

heterogenous

opinions

towards

Change preposition

about

show examples

the role of

music

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. Some opine that it plays a crucial role in our daily

life

wheras

Correct your spelling

whereas

others merely consider it as one form of replaceable entertainment. In

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

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I will elaborate

the

Change preposition

on the

show examples

ideas of both sides. To die-hard

music

lovers, not only is

music

an imperative cultural activity but it is

also

ubiquitous in our daily

life

. Musical performances have long been used in religious ceremonies since ancient times.

For example

, songs are still sung in a church nowadays, no matter it is

Remove the article

apply

show examples

weekly worship or when a king is crowned. Plenty of adolescents are very fond of pop singers and spend plenty of time listening to their latest performances.

In addition

to religious avenues, we can simply find

music

everywhere. Not to mention all kinds of concerts, whether they are performed by an orchestra or

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

a rock-and-roll

one

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, we can

also

find background

music

in films, advertisements, and even in all kinds of retail shops. To a lot of ordinary

people

however

music

is not that important to them. Notwithstanding the fact that

music

is useful in some ways, they are in the opinion that there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

more than one form of entertainment available to them and

hence

it is not crucial. The importance of

music

is best reflected by a hypothetical world without it.

People

would still be able to turn to multifarious sports events, museums, art galleries and so on. Had background

music

been banned, films would have irrefutably been more monotonous, but

movie makers

Correct your spelling

moviemakers

show examples

would find a way to impress audiences. In the case of the absence of truck drivers,

for example

, our

life

would have been

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a bigger mess.

Thus

, a lot of

people

consider that having musicians is not something more important than other aspects

Change preposition

show examples

our

life

, at least not more crucial than having truck drivers. In conclusion,

music

Change the verb form

does

show examples

play a role in our daily

life

but

people

will be okay without them. To me, I am in the camp that

music

is not that important to most

people

Submitted by ABC_XYZ on Sun Jun 12 2022

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

350 words

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