IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent decades, individuals have been changing their habitations to urban areas in many countries.
As a result
Linking Words
, the countryside is getting empty.
Although
Linking Words
 moving to the capital of the country will be better for people who do not have adequate conditions in their villages, it can
also
Linking Words
 lead to a considerable amount of problems in the
cities
Use synonyms
 as well. Villagers' desires to move to
cities
Use synonyms
 are increasing,
whereas
Linking Words
 people who live in
cities
Use synonyms
 will suffer from overpopulation.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, lifestyles are becoming crowded, and too much noise is distracting citizens.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are a lot of complaints about unavailable and inadequate seats in city streets and other premises. These issues are exacerbating day by day in people's lives.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 journalists' reports on drivers in Belgium, they are becoming frustrated and irritable
while
Linking Words
 driving.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, there are plenty of cars in
cities
Use synonyms
, which could cause massive traffic jams, and
this
Linking Words
 problem is increasing throughout downtown areas.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it would be better not to change residences to urban areas too much in order to reduce these occurrences in
cities
Use synonyms
. These movements not only influence the population but
also
Linking Words
 agriculture simultaneously. Even though some citizens will be beneficial for
cities
Use synonyms
, the agricultural industry will be in trouble. If individuals move to other parts of the country and work for other kinds of companies, the development of livestock and crop cultivation and sales will decrease dramatically.
For example
Linking Words
, in Korea,
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 incident, a sudden serious reduction of farmers in the countryside caused the plantation of rice to drop significantly. Even the Korean government has experienced a great crisis.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government has to find a way to overcome
such
Linking Words
 a catastrophe in order to renew the agricultural system for improvement. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is tough to manage
such
Linking Words
 hustle and bustle in
cities
Use synonyms
, responsible individuals have to address these troubles comprehensively to make the city more peaceful and evolve agriculture to become a developed country.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
One area to improve is the development of the main points. While the essay does a good job of mentioning various issues related to urban migration and its impacts, elaborating on each point more thoroughly could enhance the quality. For instance, discussing specific policies that could mitigate overcrowding in cities or ways to support the agricultural sector could add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. You might use more transitional phrases and connectives to create a more seamless flow of ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively. This is a strong point in both coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The examples provided, particularly those related to Belgium and Korea, are relevant and contribute positively to illustrating your points. They make your essay more credible and grounded in real-world scenarios.
task achievement
The essay includes a good variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which makes the writing more engaging and shows a high level of language proficiency.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: