In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages
In recent decades, individuals have been changing their habitations to urban areas in many countries.
As a result
, the countryside is getting empty. Although
moving to the capital of the country will be better for people who do not have adequate conditions in their villages, it can also
lead to a considerable amount of problems in the cities
as well.
Villagers' desires to move to cities
are increasing, whereas
people who live in cities
will suffer from overpopulation. That is
to say, lifestyles are becoming crowded, and too much noise is distracting citizens. Furthermore
, there are a lot of complaints about unavailable and inadequate seats in city streets and other premises. These issues are exacerbating day by day in people's lives. For instance
, according to
journalists' reports on drivers in Belgium, they are becoming frustrated and irritable while
driving. Due to
this
, there are plenty of cars in cities
, which could cause massive traffic jams, and this
problem is increasing throughout downtown areas. Therefore
, it would be better not to change residences to urban areas too much in order to reduce these occurrences in cities
.
These movements not only influence the population but also
agriculture simultaneously. Even though some citizens will be beneficial for cities
, the agricultural industry will be in trouble. If individuals move to other parts of the country and work for other kinds of companies, the development of livestock and crop cultivation and sales will decrease dramatically. For example
, in Korea, as a consequence
of this
incident, a sudden serious reduction of farmers in the countryside caused the plantation of rice to drop significantly. Even the Korean government has experienced a great crisis. Thus
, the government has to find a way to overcome such
a catastrophe in order to renew the agricultural system for improvement.
In conclusion, while
it is tough to manage such
hustle and bustle in cities
, responsible individuals have to address these troubles comprehensively to make the city more peaceful and evolve agriculture to become a developed country.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
One area to improve is the development of the main points. While the essay does a good job of mentioning various issues related to urban migration and its impacts, elaborating on each point more thoroughly could enhance the quality. For instance, discussing specific policies that could mitigate overcrowding in cities or ways to support the agricultural sector could add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. You might use more transitional phrases and connectives to create a more seamless flow of ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively. This is a strong point in both coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The examples provided, particularly those related to Belgium and Korea, are relevant and contribute positively to illustrating your points. They make your essay more credible and grounded in real-world scenarios.
task achievement
The essay includes a good variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which makes the writing more engaging and shows a high level of language proficiency.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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