IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Nowadays, the major of people in the world enjoy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wealthy and freedom life,
however
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 still some country live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
property
Add an article
the property
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will briefly discuss some reasons and explain several useful solutions before the conclusion is reached.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue is the critical environmental
problem
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the technology in
this
Linking Words
 recent year is very improved, it is not enough to protect crops from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
severe natural disaster.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extreme weather usually destroy the regular pattern of
season
Add an article
the season
show examples
, so lots of fruits and vegetables can not be harvested in time or even
dead
Replace the word
die
show examples
 before they mature.
Secondly
Linking Words
, despite the number of harvested crops is become more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past, the foods and resources
are still concentrate
Change the verb form
are still concentrated
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on
Change preposition
by
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 people. If the gap between rich and poor
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
show examples
continue
Add the particle
tocontinue
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 widen, the
problem
Use synonyms
 of famine will still exacerbate. To overcome those difficult problems, we need to conquer the basic reason.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the public should put more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an emphasis on the environmental
problem
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, the government should publish a policy to ban people
cutting
Change preposition
from cutting
show examples
 down more trees and should plant more vegetation on the mountain to prevent critical
mudslide
Fix the agreement mistake
mudslides
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the world should more focus on the progress of developing countries like Africa.
Moreover
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, they can have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to solve their famine and property
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Also
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,
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 can encourage the community and companies to engage in a charity
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 to donate foods and resources to the developing nations. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
 the
problem
Use synonyms
 of famine is still critical recently, we still have more methods to overcome
successfully
Correct pronoun usage
it successfully
show examples
. If the public can realize the significance of
this
Linking Words
 issue, the world can become better and
peaceful
Correct quantifier usage
more peaceful
show examples
 in the future.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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