IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
Recently, the debate on whether
children
 should learn to be good
members
 of
society
 in schools or at home has been heated. As far as I am concerned, young people can learn moral behaviour at home and be examined in schools. In
this
 essay, I will outline both views and my own opinion.
To begin
 with,
parents
 are the best teachers for teaching
children
 about good traits which contribute to good
members
 of
society
. As kids do not have comprehensive moral values, they may be easily influenced by
others
' behaviour.
For example
,
children
 may learn to be polite if they saw their
parents
 are being respectful to
others
.
Therefore
,
children
 spend most of their time with their
parents
 before attending school, it seems family
members
 are playing an important role in teaching youngsters about well-behaviour.
Besides
, schools can examine whether students are applying their gardants' words. As many
children
 do not have siblings at home, attending school seems to be sending them into a small
society
. In
this
 way,
children
 need to interact with
others
 and cope with some problems by themselves.
For example
,
children
 may need to share toys with
others
 in kindergarten.
Therefore
, by supervising
children
's intervention, teachers can find out whether they are misbehaviour or not. In conclusion, as
children
 can be easily influenced by their
parents
, the environment
provides
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
 by a family holds the key to
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
children
 about how to be good
members
 of
society
.
Moreover
, since
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 gather strangers together, teachers can insight into kids' behaviour.
Submitted by hhhhelen.poon on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: