One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays,
life
expectancy has dramatically increased due to
an overwhelming improvement in medical care. It is argued that the main advantage of this
phenomenon is that society
may benefit from the knowledge of those seniors whilst the disadvantage is the fact that they may represent a burden for society
.
It is conspicuous that improving life
expectancy is positive for our modern economy as well as
for our development. Indeed, workers, thanks to the noticeable scientific progress that is
witnessed in the healthcare sector, are able to work longer. Whilst the conventional retirement age had been about 60 years old some decades ago , it became 65 years old in the majority of European nations.In this
regard experienced people, who became skilful through their whole careers, represent a priceless help for companies in numerous sectors.For example
, the best doctors are the elder consultants because they enhance their knowledge through their extended working life
.
However
, living longer features also
inconveniences.It is crystal clear that extremely old citizens tend to become ill and unable to accomplish simple tasks.They might be gifted, they are just unqualified to work though.In this
regard, some argue that those people are nothing more than a burden for society
and for their families. In fact, they involve high expenditures to deal with their diseases, especially when they don't have a consistent income or reliable insurance. In many countries , for example
, a wide range portion of seniors didn't have a pension after their retirement and became dependants
Replace the word
dependent
of
their families.
In conclusion, the surge in Change preposition
on
life
expectancy is a beneficial phenomenon for our society
because it allows old people to work more and to strengthen our economy. Even though, those may represent a heavy burden for their families. In my viewpoint, our grandparents, no matter the money we should spend to live with them, remain priceless.Submitted by namoisma on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or evidence to further strengthen the points about both the advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy. This will enhance the reader’s understanding of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the coherence by using more linking words and phrases to signal different parts of your argument, this will make the essay flow more naturally.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, considering both advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy, which demonstrates a comprehensive response to the task.
task achievement
Your use of real-world examples, such as the higher retirement age in Europe and the role of experienced doctors, effectively illustrates your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organising your ideas well.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?