IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some government say how many children a family can have in their country. they may control the number of children someone has through taxes it is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. do you agree or disagree?

#government #children #country #control #someone #taxes #right #population
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph depicts how
noise
Use synonyms
 pollution from traffic, trains, aircraft and industries has affected the
people
Use synonyms
 of Europe in urban and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 during the
day
Use synonyms
 and at
night
Use synonyms
 in the year 2007. Overall,
although
Linking Words
, both the
areas
Use synonyms
 were struggling with
noise
Use synonyms
, the
cities
Use synonyms
 were noisier in comparison to the villages. While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the maximum number of
people
Use synonyms
 were disturbed due to traffic
noises
Use synonyms
, the least
noise
Use synonyms
 pollution was made by industries.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, at
night
Use synonyms
 lesser
noises
Use synonyms
 have been recorded in
cities
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
. Almost 64
million
Use synonyms
 and 48
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 were affected by the
noise
Use synonyms
 made by vehicles in the
cities
Use synonyms
 during the
day
Use synonyms
 and at
night
Use synonyms
 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, half amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 affected in the rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
Noises
Use synonyms
 from trains were far lesser than traffic
noises
Use synonyms
. In the
cities
Use synonyms
, 10
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 were disturbed by train
noises
Use synonyms
 during the
day
Use synonyms
 and 8
million
Use synonyms
 at
night
Use synonyms
. Whereas, in the countryside, the figure dropped by 2
million
Use synonyms
 respectively at both times.
Noises
Use synonyms
 made by aeroplanes have affected twice more
people
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
 during the
day
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, at
night
Use synonyms
 the same amount of
people
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 affected by the
noises
Use synonyms
(with 1
million
Use synonyms
 respectively).
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, due to the non-establishment of industries in the countryside, no one was affected by the industrial
noises
Use synonyms
, whereas in the urban centres around 1
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 were disturbed during the
day
Use synonyms
 while at
night
Use synonyms
 25% of
people
Use synonyms
 were disturbed.
Submitted by meghaseth20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: