Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages togeather. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages #togeather

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The debate surrounding whether

music

is capable of gathering a variety of distinctive cultures and individuals of different generations or not has sparked considerable controversy. I firmly agree with

this

notion

due to

the reasons

this

essay elaborates on.

To begin

with, international

music

festivals and concerts are always filled with a multitude of people of different races and ages as participants.

This

proves that the art industry is able to bring a community together

while

enjoying the same kind of entertainment.

Furthermore

, encountering new people can create a sense of harmony by exchanging cultures and sharing personal experiences. Take the Coldplay concert in Malaysia as the perfect example to encapsulate

this

, we can observe that all Indian, Chinese, and Malay were dancing around, vibing with the songs played. In short,

music

-oriented events are the best method to embrace our cultures and impart them to others. As we know, social media have become ubiquitous in modern society, especially as flexible platforms to introduce new

music

to the world.

This

could be a golden opportunity for local underground artists to promote their songs on websites like TikTok and Instagram,

thus

escalating the burgeoning

music

industry in our nation.

Additionally

, people nowadays love to create new trends using numerous

music

types.

For instance

, the Asoka trend which utilised a song from a Bollywood movie, had been making waves on those platforms a few months ago. In brief, social networking sites are beneficial for us to educate ourselves regarding others' traditions. In conclusion, I subscribe to the fact that the spreading of

music

through concerts and social media is advantageous since it could ameliorate social gaps between races and avoid exacerbated racism issues in our country.

Submitted by maisarahamirah16 on Wed Jul 31 2024

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task achievement

Ensure each argument is fully fleshed out to avoid any ambiguity and enhance persuasive impact.

coherence cohesion

Include smoother transitions between paragraphs for better flow.

task achievement

Strong, clear, and relevant examples provided.

coherence cohesion

Logical structure and clear introduction and conclusion which align with the essay's overall argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

283 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
transcend
mutual understanding
cultural barriers
linguistic barriers
cultural exchange
traditions
instruments
rhythms
appreciation
respect
diversity
intergenerational bonding
age gap
popular music trends
global events
festivals
shared experiences
sense of community
technological advances
digital platforms
streaming services
accessible
cross-cultural
connections

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages togeather. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all times. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

You ordered an item from an online store and it has arrived damaged. Write a letter to the retailer to complain. In the letter: – Explain why you are unhappy – Request a refund – Make arrangements to return the damaged item

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To with extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?