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Band 5

Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, but most patients do not follow an exercise routine. Why do you think this happens? How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?

#doctors #people #exercise #patients
A vast majority of doctors suggest that elder individuals
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
exercise
 frequently, but many of them do not follow an
exercise
 routine.
This
 essay believes that
this
 is because of the lifestyle they grew up with and
this
 can be changed by educating them
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 impact
exercise
 will have on their
life
. The main reason why many old
people
 do not
exercise
 often is because of their lifestyle
that is
 to say they are not used to exercising since they were children which makes
hard
Correct pronoun usage
it hard
show examples
 for them to
exercise
 regularly whereas someone who is used to
exercise
Wrong verb form
exercising
show examples
 three to four times their whole
life
 would not have a problem to
exercise
 when they get older.
For instance
, in Somalia, many
people
 who joined
gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
show examples
 in their later
life
 are found that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not go regularly.
However
,
people
 could change by teaching them the importance of
exercise
.
This
 is to say
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if
people
 know how
exercise
 increases the chances of longer span
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
, and how it prevents many diseases that old
people
 are
risk
Change preposition
at risk
show examples
 to have, their mindset towards
exercise
 will change and
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 more
people
 would
exercise
 regularly.
For instance
, in Ethiopia, many obese
people
 started exercising after they were told they are at risk of diabetes and heart disease. In conclusion,
although
 many doctors advise their old patients to
exercise
 they do not because of their lifestyle and
this
 could change if they are educated on the effect
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
practising
exercise
 will have on their lives.
Submitted by israhassan234 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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