Some people think that the best way to broaden young people’s understanding of the world is to encourage them to travel to other countries. do you agree or disagree?

#people #people’s #world #travel #countries

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Some people think that the best way to broaden young people’s understanding of the world is to encourage them to travel to other countries. In the following paragraph, I will explain my reason to support

this

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notion.

Firstly

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, Travelling to other countries can see a weird

place

Fix the agreement mistake

places

show examples

where

children

Use synonyms

cannot discover in their country. After that, The

children

Use synonyms

will feel interested to open their minds and study another field.

For example

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, Centering on myself, I stay in Thailand, I cannot see and imagine how the appearance of glacier mountains even though I visited the

First

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Mountain in Switzerland. From the top of the view, It is very

magnificant

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significant

in the natural creature. I can see a row of glacier mountains with cold weather that cannot be seen in Thailand and I feel interested to find out how they originate in the world.

Secondly

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, Travelling can learn about different cultures and makes

children

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global citizens. Nowadays, We not living alone in one country. the globe has a lot of discrimination, languages, and traditions.

Children

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should learn to respect various cultures and lifestyles for living peacefully as all global citizens.

For instance

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, In Thailand has Songkran Festival. It has splashed water at

this

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festival because of the hot weather.

Accordingly

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, It is a Thai culture that some foreigner do prefer when an unknown person make them wet. In conclusion, Travelling overseas has benefits as an example point that I illustrate in the

second

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and

third

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paragraphs.

However

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, Travelling oversea must have a high cost that some families never have the opportunity only time.

Submitted by first.kantapat on Tue Jun 14 2022

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

global perspective
cultural sensitivity
nurture
fosters
adaptability
independence
problem-solving skills
financial constraints
exclusive means
digital platforms
broadening understanding
deepen
guidance
reflection
open mindset

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