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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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It is believed by many
people
 that
children
 should be taught by their
parents
, whilst others argue that educational institutions are the best place for learning
this
.
Although
 the latter opinion can be beneficial in many cases, I believe that family upbringing could be more adequate to bring their offspring to become good members of the community. In today’s contemporary era, many
people
 argue
schools
 are the best place to teach offspring to become good citizens.
Schools
 are places that contain many professional teachers to help
children
 become useful
people
 in society in the future by training them appropriately. The government invests a lot of money in educational systems, building many
schools
 to help
people
 excellently raise their
children
.
However
, in some parts of the world
schools
 are not better places to train
children
 in excellent ways
for example
: In Vietnam, the average class size is 30 students, which makes it difficult for educators to provide proper schooling for each student. I believe that
parents
 play a more important role in teaching them how to be good citizens. One-to-one lessons at home,
on the other hand
, allow
children
 to progress faster.
Furthermore
,
parents
 form stronger bonds with their offspring and
thus
, it is easier for them to shape
children
’s personalities at an early age.
For example
, by telling stories
such
 as Robin Hood, and Cinderella before bedtime,
parents
 can
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 a sense of compassion and integrity into them. These
children
 are likely to become good members of society when they grow up. In conclusion,
although
 sending
children
 to school can be seen as a way of teaching them how to be good citizens, I believe that domestic upbringing has a bigger impact on determining who they are in the future.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

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Balance in Discussion
Ensure to provide a balanced discussion on both views before giving your opinion. Your essay tends to focus more on the parental influence, slightly overshadowing the role of schools. Offering more depth or examples around the school's contribution could enhance balance.
Linguistic Variety
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and linkers to improve the flow and connectedness of your paragraphs. While your essay is well-structured, greater linguistic variety could enrich its coherence.
Counter-Arguments
Consider integrating counter-arguments to strengthen your points. For instance, after mentioning the advantages of parental upbringing, you could acknowledge potential drawbacks before refuting them with well-reasoned arguments.
Clear Stance
Your essay successfully defines your stance clearly, which is essential for task achievement.
Introduction/Conclusion Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing a strong framework for your essay.
Use of Examples
You've included specific examples to support your viewpoints, enhancing the persuasive quality of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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