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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

#students #school #money
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There is no doubt nowadays, financial management has a massive impact on our life budget, based on the research that I recently read, 55% of students cannot control their
money
Use synonyms
,
also
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 a quarter of parents who participated in the study said that they do not teach their younger kids how to secure their budget, particularly at
this
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 age. The question is, Is it true that young people graduate from high school without learning how to manage their finances? In
this
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 essay, I am going to figure out the causes and how to resolve
this
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 problem. In terms of causes, high schools don’t provide financial management methods, the main reason given to support
this
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 claim is that they think that students are too young for
this
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 module, and
money
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 should not be included as their problem that needs to be solved or managed at
this
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 age. To illustrate, young generations are the most influenced segment in the community, they fall prey to advertisements. in
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
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,they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 control their desire when they see a game on television, and they might earn some
money
Use synonyms
 from their parents to spend on bizarre things.
However
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, high schools should find some topics that can be related to financial
money
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,
Firstly
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, they might involve the
money
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 method as a part of the graduation plan.
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otherwise
Capitalize word
Otherwise
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, the high school ought to prepare
for
Change preposition
apply
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classes or activities for their students to hone their ability on how to manage their
money
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 before graduate. In conclusion, it is evident that young people are not capable of funding management, high
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 and institutions must ensure steps are taken to prevent
this
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 phenomenon from a future economic crisis.
Submitted by ranxmoh on

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Task Response
Expand on the reasons and solutions for the issue of financial management in high school. Provide more specific examples and evidence to support the claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the organization and flow of the essay. Ensure that ideas are connected logically and coherently throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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