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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
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It is thought by some that a university
education
 is a stepping stone to building up a lucrative employment status in life,
while
 other groups believe that getting a job directly after school
education
 is the better option .
Although
 tertiary studies can reinforce the future
career
 development of an individual , in my opinion , I affirm that
the
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apply
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interested students must be promoted to start working straight away after acquiring their basic
education
.Let us discuss
this
 in detail in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
 with, let us shed light on the argument that higher
education
 is crucial for a better future. First and foremost, most professionals are highly qualified.
In addition
, the doctors, engineers or whoever decorating the higher positions in
the
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society are well qualified with graduation and post-graduation certificates that made them lead
a
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successful and satisfactory
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
, in
India
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India,
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 the staff members of the schools are categorised as principals, teachers, administrators and other lower grade positions
are employed
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based on their academic qualifications which include the level of their degrees that helped them to create a successful pathway.
On the other hand
, there are certain points to support the decision
of working
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to work
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 without university qualifications. Primarily, personal skills are the building blocks of a successful staff member in his organisation.
Moreover
, leadership qualities, time management, emotional intelligence and collaboration and cooperation among a team
are playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 a crucial role in the achievements of a staff member.
For instance
, the success
behind
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of
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 the Microsoft company is the patience and leadership qualities of Bill Gates rather than his tertiary qualifications. In conclusion, the
overall
 development of a successful
career
 is the subtotal of educational certificates and the innate characteristics of an individual. In my point of view, the factors behind a rewarding
career
 are decided by the personal interest of a person whether he or she is affiliated with studies or would like to cultivate their personal skills.
Submitted by vinuachudevan on

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task response
Focus on providing specific examples that directly relate to the points being made to strengthen the argument
coherence cohesion
The ideas in the essay are well-presented, but there is room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs for better coherence
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
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