IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

General Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern days, the medical field has been occupied by private firms , which has led to a dramatic increase in prices. In my opinion,
however
Linking Words
, it means greater innovation in the health sector, and it has a significant burden
overall
Linking Words
 for the average person. Certain interested parties contend that private medical care has many benefits for well-being and longevity. Researches show that many industries play a crucial role in driving innovation. Hospitals
also
Linking Words
 have been involved in
this
Linking Words
 trend, which enhances their reputations and generates higher revenues. EU countries,
for example
Linking Words
, pay for lots of new research in order to compete and find solutions for diseases
such
Linking Words
 as cancer, which has led to dead people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is more likely without
this
Linking Words
 competition, many new advanced treatments couldn't be found.
However
Linking Words
, these advances do little to alleviate the dramatic financial consequences for ordinary citizens. In developing countries,
for example
Linking Words
 , households can not afford their treatments
due to
Linking Words
 the high costs of private hospitals which leads to a decrease in wellness among the population. Contrast those countries,
for instance
Linking Words
, the UK has a socialized approach to medicine, which means governments pay largely for it, so individuals go comfortably to hospitals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they are sick.
as a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 more equal system
is that
Verb problem
,
show examples
 there is little disparity in the care given to the wealthy and poor person.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
nonetheless
Linking Words
 new innovation which has been discovered by privatization, People can gain health sector system equally, when governments purchase for.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of private healthcare.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all your ideas are well-developed and clearly connected to your main points.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points, as this would enhance the strength of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using transitional phrases to improve the flow and connection between ideas in your paragraphs.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic and attempt to explore both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You identify relevant issues related to private healthcare, such as costs and access to medical services.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
What to do next:
Look at other essays: