IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that having a set retirement age for everybody regardless is unfair.They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at easy age.Do you agree or disagree. Which type of workers do you think should be benefit for early retirement. Give reason and example.

#people #retirement #age #everybody #workers #pension #type #benefit #reason
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The
age
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 of withdrawal has been a controversial topic in society for several decades. A number of people consider that it might be better for the community to reduce the
age
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 that workers retire,
in contrast
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, others have a different thought that it is inequitable for some who might have the ability to perform even if they
age
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 more than the evacuation standard. From my standpoint, I totally disagree with the idea that the population should stop working at an easy
age
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 because, in society, several populations who are over 60 years old are still able to work effectively,
thus
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, employees who are under
this
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age
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 should be able to work as well.
Additionally
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, if the community retire earlier, the government has to pay them pensions sooner, whilst the number of citizens who pay the tax declines. Nowadays, numerous organisations scrutinise hiring retired workers to perform with them,
for instance
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, Ikea, a well-known corporation, recruits plenty of retired employees to cooperate in their company. The fact is that they believe in the potential and experiences of the retired groups.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 is the method to make them more valuable.
However
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, there are several fields that are suitable for early
retirement
Change the noun form
retirements
show examples
,
such
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 as flight attendant. The main reason why
this
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 career is the group of workers that should be early retired is because working in the aircraft, which is always in an unusual environment, is an indirect way to damage the health in the long term.
Thus
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, air hostesses deserve to resign their job before the general retirement
age
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. In conclusion, even though there are some occupations that require early retirement, stopping work since they are at a young
age
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 could be an adverse burden for the state to pay them the pension.
Submitted by chosita1995 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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