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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Topic from Task 1 The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households

Topic from Task 1 The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households
#topic #show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households
The chart
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those electrical
appliances
 have been increasing in households, its will
relevant
Add a missing verb
be relevant
show examples
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 decreasing
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of hours for doing
housework
.
According to
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
 given below,
people
 are rarely using electrical
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
show examples
due to
 technical electrical not
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 advanced
from
Change preposition
since
show examples
1920s
Change the article
the 1920s
show examples
.
Then
,
people
 spent a lot of
time
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
housework
 in
this
 period
time
.
However
, electrical
appliances
 became a necessary living thing
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
1960s
Change the article
the 1960s
show examples
. The horizon line of
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 gradually
rising
Wrong verb form
rises
show examples
 sharply with
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
 of households with
electrical
Add an article
the electrical
an electrical
show examples
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
show examples
 in
1960s
Change the article
the 1960s
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
time
,
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of hours of
housework
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been decreasing. Originally,
people
 started to familiar
electrical
Change preposition
with electrical
show examples
appliances
 after
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
show examples
 century as electrical
appliances
 have been advanced for given
people
 a
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 living style. They unnecessary washing clothing and
cleaning
Wrong verb form
cleaned
show examples
 the floor with
Add an article
a handout
the handout
show examples
handout
Fix the agreement mistake
handouts
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 had been alternated by
washing
Add an article
the washing
show examples
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
.
Then
,
people
 will space a lot of
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
time
 to do
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 work
instead
 of
housework
.
Submitted by joannesing0692 on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words appliances, people, housework, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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