IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people argue that it is the governments responsibility to transport children to school while others believe that parents should do that discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #responsibility #transport #children #school #parents
Evidently
Add a comma
Evidently,
show examples
 it is true that both the government and
parents
 are responsible for
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
show examples
 of
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
show examples
 students.
However
, I give my opinion in favour of
Correct article usage
the letter
show examples
letter
Change noun form
letter's
show examples
 view. I will express my perception in the forthcoming paragraphs. Many countries of the world government
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
take
Change the verb form
taken
show examples
 responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their citizens of all ages as a part of their prime concern. They give
transportation
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
show examples
children
.
Moreover
, many of the guardians are busy with their own
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, as
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 cannot manage time for their
children
 to pick up
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 schools.
Finally
,
the
Change preposition
during the
show examples
 peak
our
Correct your spelling
hour
show examples
 of schools,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in the morning there
occurd
Correct your spelling
occurred
occurs
 a huge traffic jam on
roads
Correct article usage
the roads
show examples
.
For instance
, in Bangladesh schooling time
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 at 7:30 in the morning and
that
Change preposition
at that
show examples
 time roads become
so
Rephrase
very
show examples
 busy.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 a problem for guardians to reach students to
school
 by own management.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 a matter of great hazard for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to take the
transportation
 responsibility of all the students of the state. In
adition
Correct your spelling
addition
, pupils feel more comfortable to
go there
Verb problem
their
show examples
 educational institute with their
parents
, because only
parents
 can read the feelings of their of spring not another one.
For example
, recently
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research
shown
Add the auxiliary verb
has shown
showed
show examples
 that 60%
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
 feel free with their
parents
 when they go to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe that both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
statements have merits. On balance,
however
, I feel that it's a Holi duty for
parents
 to take the responsibility of their
children
 to provide
transportation
 during
school
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
.
Submitted by kalam16170 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more coherently.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the given topic and provide a more comprehensive response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: