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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#students #school
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Over the past decades, childhood and adolescent specialists have looked for various ways to enhance children's performance at school.
For instance
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, some experts mention that positive reinforcement is the best method to improve student performance
while
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 others mention that punishment is the only way to prevent from doing bad things again. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss whether beating or rewarding students can improve grades and
overall
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 achievement.
To begin
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, the abuse was used by our ancestors and grandparents to warn younger generations and students that they committed
a
Correct article usage
apply
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bad behaviour and when we have a look at previous generations we can see that they are more responsible and have better qualifications and degrees compared to generations nowadays, where beating is illegal in many developed and developing countries.
For example
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,a recent study done on mice by an immunologist at Harvard University showed that mice
will
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would
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 not repeat the same mistake if they stepped on the trap and humans have similar behaviour to mice.
On the contrary
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,many voices are rising against punishing heir for doing or committing bad things or misbehaving. First,it is believed that punishing them will have the opposite effect on most young offspring and they will continue to misbehave,
subsequently
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,
this
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 can cause a deterioration in their academic achievement.
This
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 theory was approved by many scientists in many reputable universities around the globe. In conclusion, I firmly believe that punishing offspring will have an
overall
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 negative effect on their academic achievement and not to forget that these will be referred to adolescent specialists which will increase the cost of healthcare and can become a burden to families and economies worldwide.
Submitted by abdulrahmanadi558 on

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task response
Ensure that your arguments are clearly related to the topic and task. Be mindful of providing a well-supported opinion, discussing both views, and giving your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical progression of ideas. Work on organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs with appropriate linking devices to create coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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