IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The government should invest in education and health care. Governments should invest these funds in tourism. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #education #health #care #governments #funds #tourism
In
this
 contemporary epoch, whilst proponents hold the view that investing in tourism should not be ignored, opponents and I hold the stance that authorities should spend a high proportion of the budget on
education
 and medical care for economic and health reasons. My contention will be
further
 explained.
To begin
 with, nations should prioritize investment in the
education
 sector because it has a quintessential impact on the economic conditions in the long run.
In other words
, the more the authorities subsidize all educational stages, especially the third-level
education
, the more skilled the workforce will be.
For example
, Japan and Korea which invested a high portion of their budgets in
education
, have reaped benefits in terms of high-tech companies
such
 as Sony and Nokia.
Hence
, what can be said is that funding schools lead to ameliorating productivity.
Moreover
, despite the fact that investing in
education
 is pivotal for economic growth, financing healthcare is important because most people have to visit hospitals for treatments for different ailments. To
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
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, if authorities pay attention to caring about medical research, new medical equipment, and proper medication for malignant diseases will be discovered early. A prime example of
this
 is the United Kingdom, which invested a high proportion of
their budgets
Fix the agreement mistake
its budget
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 to find a vaccination to prevent the widespread of
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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.
Thus
, subsidizing health services cannot only be crucial for the population's well-being, but it
also
 has an indispensable role in the country's economic progress. In conclusion,
after
this
 essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that when it comes to funding,
education
 and health should take precedence over tourism
due to
 their wellness-economic benefits.
Therefore
, I am convinced that the government must take care of building hospitals and schools to be able to stand on the global stage among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developed countries.
Submitted by mohammedlotfy2010 on

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improvement
The essay clearly presents a position regarding the prioritization of government spending on education and healthcare over tourism. However, further elaboration on potential arguments for investing in tourism could demonstrate a balanced understanding of the topic.
improvement
Ensure all sections of your argument are fully developed with specific examples or detailed explanations to strengthen the argumentative power of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong and coherent structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each idea flows logically into the next.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, particularly those related to Japan, Korea, and the UK.
task achievement
The essay effectively argues in favor of prioritizing education and healthcare, using valid reasoning related to economic and health benefits.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Investment: capital allocation towards a sector, often for development or improvement.
  • Long-term economic growth: sustainable increase in a country’s economic productivity over an extended period.
  • Knowledgeable workforce: employees who are well-educated and trained, capable of driving innovation.
  • Healthcare services: medical services, including prevention, treatment, and management of illnesses.
  • Economic sustainability: responsible management of resources to ensure long-term economic health.
  • Tourism: industry focusing on travel for leisure, which contributes to a nation's economic revenue.
  • External factors: variables outside of a country's control that can impact its economy or sectors.
  • Foundation: the base or groundwork upon which further development can be built.
  • Societal welfare: the well-being of a community in terms of health, education, and economic conditions.
  • Social equity: fairness and equality in access to opportunities and resources within a society.
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