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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some poorer areas of large cities people are too afraid to leave their houses at night time due to a fear of crime. What are the causes of crime in those areas and what can be done to tackle those problems?

There are
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 rates of
crime
Use synonyms
 in a poor society that are for some reasons. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will mention some principal reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 matter and
then
Linking Words
 suggest some viable solutions. Nowadays,
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some reason, the rate of
crime
Use synonyms
 is increasing
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in poor areas in cities where most
people
Use synonyms
 do not leave their accommodations at night. One of them is illiteracy
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 causes ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 not to have enough knowledge about their environment and
also
Linking Words
do
Verb problem
to do
show examples
 thoughtless actions. In fact, they try to gain all their needs without any effort or deep thinking. Another reason is unemployment. It means that some
people
Use synonyms
 do not have
any
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 job that can gain money and make a living
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they take refuge in
crime
Use synonyms
. And
finally
Linking Words
, I can mention the social gap
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 creates undesirable conditions in each country. In fact, there is a social gap because some e few
people
Use synonyms
 have most of the
sources
Use the right word
resources
show examples
 and ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough money for
life hood
Check wording
a living
show examples
. They know all of the differences between themselves and others, from appearance to food and clothes. All of these reasons create poverty and a sense of anger towards others.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 poor
people
Use synonyms
 might decide to commit a
crime
Use synonyms
 and meet their needs. Education is the first way to deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem. On one side,
can
Correct pronoun usage
it can
show examples
 provide desirable conditions to find a suitable job and gain income. On the other
side
Check wording
hand
show examples
,
can
Correct pronoun usage
it can
show examples
 help to know about their value and
do
Verb problem
put in
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 more effort to make the best life.
In addition
Linking Words
, the government have a lot of responsibility for society
particularly
Punctuation problem
, particularly
show examples
 poor
people
Use synonyms
. Authorities have to provide for all their needs and
also
Linking Words
 a good job for them
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as they should set
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special roles to prevent to make the social gaps.
For instance
Linking Words
, the taxation role In conclusion, increasing
crime
Use synonyms
 in poor societies is an inevitable fact in each city
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 governments and all citizens can create welfare conditions which
avoiding
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 them
to commit
Change preposition
from committing
show examples
 the
crime
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan before you write. Make a clear order: intro, causes, fixes, then a short conclusion.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show cause and effect, like because, so, therefore.
grammar
Check grammar and keep sentences short. Some lines are long or run on.
content
Give one or two real examples to back up points.
vocabulary
Use only common words from the top 100. Avoid hard or new words.
content
The essay tries to cover cause and fix.
structure
It has an ending which sums up.
coherence
It uses some linking words.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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