Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment> IT would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion.

The advancement of technology has brought about both pros and cons. One of the disadvantages of
this
phenomenon is the heavy dependence of youngsters on electrical devices for enjoyment. There is a statement saying that kids should be encouraged to do more outdoor activities for various benefits. In my opinion, I strongly approve of
this
idea.
To begin
with, overuse of devices
such
as mobile phones or laptops may result in numerous health problems. If a child constantly stares at a computer screen for a long period, his eyes have to suffer and get tired.
As a consequence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eyesight is badly affected and nearsightedness is inevitable.
Moreover
, sitting in front of electronic equipment without adequate exercise is the main cause of obesity. To explicate, just taking in calories and doing nothing except playing mobile games can make the fat
piled
Wrong verb form
pile
show examples
up in the body,
thus
leading to uncontrollable weight gain.
Besides
, there are many issues associated with fatness namely high blood pressure, heart disease, and depression.
Therefore
, it would be more beneficial to stimulate young
people
to do outdoor activities. Doing sports plays a vital role in the maintenance of good health as it helps
people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
burn calories that keep
people
fit and stay in shape.
For example
, football players often burn an average of 550 calories per
90minutese
Correct your spelling
90 minutes
.
Furthermore
, doing exercise and athletics can not only release stress but
also
boost creativity and the ability to think logically. Researchers have shown that
people
who exercise daily often do their work more effectively than others. In conclusion, I believe to avoid various problems and have a good lifestyle, youngsters ought to be motivated to play sports and games outside
instead
of spending time with their mobile devices.
Submitted by 087obu0001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure all body paragraphs directly address the essay question
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transition words to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dependent
  • excessive
  • screen time
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • outdoor activities
  • beneficial
  • development
  • social interaction
  • teamwork
  • enhance
  • learning
  • creativity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: