Some people think that punishment is the best way of teaching children to behave well. Others believe that it is better to reward children for good be haviour. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishment #children #reward #haviour

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In the contemporary era, a growing number of individuals believe that

punishment

in educating

children

is the best way to make them obedient

while

others hold the idea that rewarding

children

is better. Personally, I am convinced that the combination of

punishment

and reward is the best way to teach

children

and

this

essay will explain both sides. First and foremost, the main reason why a number of individuals hold that idea is retribution helps

children

recognize right and wrong behaviour after they cause a consequence.

Moreover

punishment

can help build discipline and self-control, based on fear of bad consequences.

However

, only marginal punishments should be applied and

children

should not be punished by violence so that

children

are more aware of their behavior.

For instance

, a number of Asian parents apply light suffering to their

children

such

as confiscating a child's favourite item or punishing them without watching TV for a day so that they remember their mistakes and do not make them again.

On the other hand

, rewarding

children

also

a very good act of educating

children

. Some people believe that rewarding

children

for being obedient will give them more motivation and help them build self-discipline, rather than fear of

punishment

However

, rewards sometimes

also

need to be accompanied by

punishment

when

children

do wrong. They need to improve self-awareness and the ability to recognize wrong or right. For illustration, when

children

get good grades, teachers and parents will reward them with praise to motivate them,

then

Correct word choice

and then

show examples

younger individuals will be motivated to study better. In conclusion,

although

both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that older generations should combine

punishment

and reward to teach

children

in the best way.

Submitted by phthaoo on Wed Nov 08 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea to maintain clarity and avoid mixing arguments, thus aiding logical structure.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are evident and communicate the candidate's opinion; however, they could be strengthened with more concise statements.

coherence cohesion

While main points are generally supported, providing more in-depth examples and elaborating on them would enhance the argument.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task with a clear response, but could better address the nuances of the task by exploring the implications of each view more thoroughly.

task achievement

Ideas are clear and understandable, but could be communicated more comprehensively with the addition of more complex structures or varied sentence constructions.

task achievement

Examples are relevant but tend to be general; more specific and detailed examples could better illustrate the points made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Some people think that punishment is the best way of teaching children to behave well. Others believe that it is better to reward children for good be haviour. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some countries people who have high incomes pay very high taxes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this for individuals and for the country as a whole

Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. To what extent do you agree or disagree?