In some countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, obesity is more common among young people and irrefutably it is far from a welcomed sign. Before taking any actions to alleviate
this
, we need to know that the reasons behind the phenomenon are manifold.
Firstly
, the content on the internet, like Youtube and online games, is increasingly attractive.
Besides
, in a lot of families, both
parents
need to go out to work and
this
consequently
leads to inadequate supervision of children. So, who holds the ultimate responsibility for young adolescents' sedentary lifestyle and obesity problems? Some contend that it must be the
parents
. Teachers in schools basically have no rights (and fair enough, no responsibilities) to monitor what children do after school, neither can the government announce a ban on visiting certain websites by a particular age group at certain hours.
Parents
have to find a way,
such
as
the
Change the article
a
show examples
mother quits her job and the family spends less altogether, to supervise their children if they really prioritize
this
. To some young fellas with better self-discipline, encouragement may actually work better than using an authoritarian approach, and it is undoubtedly
parents
' responsibility how to impart the concept of self-discipline to their offspring.
However
, there are
certainly
Change the adverb
certain
show examples
roles in which the government can step in. Not only can they build more parks and sports facilities, so as to make it convenient for young people to assess, but they can
also
lift the frequencies of police patrol. After all, the crime situation is an important apprehension for a lot of
parents
, especially in countries with a lot of knife crimes like the UK. To sum up, the government can contribute by means of building community facilities and combating crimes, but the hope of any meaningful amelioration of the problem lies in how big the sacrifices
parents
are willing to make, in terms of time, money and patience, in their process of raising their kids.
Submitted by ABC_XYZ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • epidemic
  • obesity
  • regulate
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • nutritional education
  • caloric intake
  • lifestyle diseases
  • physical inactivity
  • public health campaigns
  • regulatory measures
  • junk food
  • health initiatives
  • fiscal policies
  • metabolic disorders
  • parental guidance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: