IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing, or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

#world #animals #food #medicine
There is no doubt that human being is in the
first
 of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 natural creatures ,so he used
animals
 for food ,clothes and medicine.
Honestly
Add a comma
,Honestly
show examples
 I disagree with
this
 statement simply because
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 need
animals
 for
living
Add an article
a living
show examples
.
Animals
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their own
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to live safely, but God creat them to serve human being.
for example
 , in the previous ages people use
animals
 to went to everywhere, and to carry their bags,
food
Correct word choice
and food
show examples
 ,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 carry their products to travel away far from home to be sold. People can not live
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 natural medicine which
made
Add a missing verb
is made
show examples
 from
animals
 and herbs, foods and drinks products from
animals
 are essential for 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of humans.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there is another opinion
argued
Wrong verb form
arguing
show examples
 that keeping
animals
 safe to not be extended is an important issue.
Enormous
Change the article
An enormous
The enormous
show examples
 number of organization calls for
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 rights ,but they didn't know that even though
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 have needs like drinking natural milk ,eating healthy meat,and
meats
Change the noun form
meat
show examples
 products to get a healthy diet and have the amount of protein our bodies need to be fit. A huge number of trainers and experts asked their followers to get healthy protein from
animals
 to help
Correct your spelling
their
the
ther
Correct your spelling
their
body's
Change noun form
bodies
show examples
 and care
Change preposition
for it
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 from being sick and unhealthy. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
animals
 were found to serve human beings and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
provide
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 health. People should eat fresh meat ,drink healthy milk ,and have their clothes, bags,and even shoes from them.
Submitted by aymanshabakaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: