People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and the people around them?

this

day and age, there exists a growing trend in which people have a tendency to rest less than those in the past society normally did. The justifications and impacts of

this

phenomenon will be discussed in

this

essay. There are several reasons behind the mentioned trend that are worth considering.

Firstly

, not only does modern society put pressure on workers and students, but it

also

requires them to carry out heavy loads of deadlines.

As a consequence

, people are apt to choose a series of sleepless nights to reach occupational goals in time. Another motive for the problem is that after a

hard-working

Correct your spelling

hard working

show examples

day, workers may spend time relaxing by surfing social media or enjoying gaming applications.

This

is mainly because today's technological advancement furthers the availability of recreational choices, and those online activities can be an impeccable stress reliever. The trend has had some negative impacts on our daily lives. The first repercussion is that if people get an insufficient amount of sleep for an extended duration, they are likely to suffer from mental conditions and issues

such

as insomnia or inaccuracy in decision-making. They may

also

have a weary state of mind, which leads them to pessimism

as well as

being discouraged from doing anything.

Secondly

, one's sleep deficiency is

also

problematic for their colleagues and acquaintances.

For instance

, there was a time when I was partnered up with one of my counterparts, and he contracted acute sleep deprivation during the whole campaign, which

then

resulted in our significantly substandard performances

at the end

of the course. In conclusion, the phenomenon

attributes

Wrong verb form

is attributed

show examples

to the stressful workload of modern lives and online

entertaining

Replace the word

entertainment

show examples

devices to relieve stress and strains.

Consequently

, those suffering may be mentally ill and cause obnoxiousness to others.

Submitted by trankhanhnhi on Sun Jun 19 2022

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task response

Your essay addresses the topic and provides relevant reasons and impacts. Ensure that your examples are directly related to the topic to strengthen your response.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear overall structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be further developed to provide a stronger framework for the essay. Additionally, make sure that each paragraph is logically linked to the next.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and the people around them?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Employers should give their staff at least four-weeks’ holiday a year to help employees get better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe that there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your own oppinion

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?