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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

discuss both view and give your opinion .student should be allowed to chose any course they like others says otherwise

In recent times, most universities
offer
Wrong verb form
have offered
show examples
 various
courses
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 that are beneficial to undergraduates' prospects. Some exponents believe that undergraduate
students
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to
study
Use synonyms
 their preferred
courses
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while
Linking Words
 others opine that they should only be allowed to
study
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
 related to
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
. In my view, I believe
students
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to decide the course they would like to
study
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.
On the other hand
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, the world is evolving and
this
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 is because of advancements in
science
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 and
technology
Use synonyms
. It is believed that if
students
Use synonyms
 are allowed to
study
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
 related to
this
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 field there are high chances of them getting employment opportunities after graduation and
also
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 career advancement compared to other fields. To illustrate
this
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, a report by the
daily
Capitalize word
Daily
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 Times magazine shows that amongst most graduates who are
unemployed
Add a comma
unemployed,
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 just a minority of them studied
science
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 and
technology
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-related
courses
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while
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 the majority were from other departments
such
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 as art, humanities and statistics.
Thus
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, it is more advantageous for a student to
study
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courses
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 related to
science
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 and
technology
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.
On the other hand
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, when
students
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 are given the autonomy to decide the course they desire to
study
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, it yields better academic performance which will be beneficial for their future as well.
In other words
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, the majority of
students
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 usually choose their preferred
courses
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 based on their ability and passion for the subject which will be a source of motivation for them.
As a result
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 of
this
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, most
students
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 pay more attention to studying their preferred
courses
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 than what they were forced to do.
For instance
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, recent research conducted at Branford
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 on the performance of
students
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 who
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 their preferred
courses
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 performed better than those who did not.
Hence
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, it is important to
put
Verb problem
take
show examples
 into consideration individuals' choices
while
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 selecting a course. In conclusion, allowing most undergraduates to
study
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
 related to
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 will give them high chances of getting employment opportunities in the future.
However
Linking Words
,I believe undergraduates should be given autonomy to choose the
courses
Use synonyms
 to
study
Use synonyms
 in other to enhance better academic performance.

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task response
Ensure your essay directly addresses the task prompt by discussing both views equally and providing a balanced opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the overall organization and structure of your essay by clearly presenting your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
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