IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Nowadays people
tends
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tend
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 to
work
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overtime
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 and spend less
time
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 on their own
time
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such
Linking Words
 as
accompany
Wrong verb form
accompanying
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 family and hobbies. Even though
Use synonyms
work
Replace the word
working
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overtime
Use synonyms
 can benefit
in
Change preposition
to
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certain
Add an article
a certain
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 degree, the
drawdrack
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drawback
 cannot
be overlook
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be overlooked
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 as well. In my opinion, long
time
Use synonyms
 working can have advantages
in
Change preposition
to
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 some
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
,
however
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, it cannot
under estimate
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underestimate
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 the problem it caused.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, people working long hours will cause health
problem
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problems
show examples
 and stress.
For example
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, more and more employees have to
work
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 more than ten hours a day. In order to overcome the tiredness, they usually overdose
a
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on a
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lot of coffee for making them productive and not feel sleepy. Their
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mental
mentel
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mental
 health can be damaged by
this
Linking Words
 unhealthy lifestyle.
Secondly
Linking Words
, working
long
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a long
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time
Use synonyms
 can significantly reduce
personal
Add an article
the personal
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time
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 which means less
time
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 for family
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members
member
memeber
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members
 and socializing. It can cause family conflict and bad
relationship
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relationships
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.
Last
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 but not the least, excessive
overtime
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 can drain
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energy
enery
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energy
 and creativity which in turn
reduce
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reduces
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 productivity. While it is true that working
Correct your spelling
overtime
show examples
over
Correct your spelling
overtime
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time
Use synonyms
 can bring more financial income, there are certainly some people
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 willing to
work
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overtime
Use synonyms
 in exchange for making more money for their lives. Apart from
this
Linking Words
, someone
have
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has
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 to
work
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 long hours in order to meet the deadline for their
work
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, but
this
Linking Words
 can be avoided by making good
time
Use synonyms
 management. In summary,
although
Linking Words
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 working
overtime
Use synonyms
, the disadvantage cannot be ignored. It is important to make a
Use synonyms
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
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 balance lifestyle.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: