IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some believe that nuclear weapons benefit the world at large. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #weapons #benefit #world
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Nuclear weapons are explosive devices that create destructive force due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fusion or fission reactions. It is commonly believed that atomic bombs benefit the Globe enormously. In my point of view, I personally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
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 conducive to some probable serious problems in
people
Change noun form
people's
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 lives.
First
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 of all, fusion bombs create
threaten
Replace the word
threats
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 to the World because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 devastate the environment.
For instance
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,
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States tested the nuclear bomb in the marshall islands
hence
Linking Words
, it is still not livable.
Besides
Linking Words
, not only
it
Add a missing verb
does it
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destroys
Wrong verb form
destroy
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ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
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 but
also
Linking Words
 it has
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
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 impact
to
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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future generations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, nuclear weapon detonations are directly connected to cancer development. One clear example is that, it is
Add an article
a well
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well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 fact that
US
Correct article usage
the US
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 and Japan army air force detonated a-bombs at Hiroshima and Nagasaki
in
Change preposition
at
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 the near end of world war-2 due to
this
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 more than 200000
were died
Change to the active voice
died
have died
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.
Moreover
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, health issues could be observed in
this
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 incident
such
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 as cancer.
Additionally
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,
this
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 disease was spread to the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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black sea of turkey so people
was
Change the verb form
were
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 influenced by cancer and suffered for a long time.
Therefore
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, these tremendous effects of the atomic bomb are remembered by people, they would understand why it is harmful to the world.
On the other hand
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, opponents state that it has many advantages
such
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 as it reduces the threat from opposite military forces and terrors.
Furthermore
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, it serves as a deterrent to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global conflict. To sum up, I reiterate my opinion that, atomic weapons have more disadvantages rather than advantages as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
this
Linking Words
, benefits are negligible
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
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 these nuclear arsenals
deterrent
Add a missing verb
are deterrent
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 to the whole globe.
Submitted by venkysai670 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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