IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that violent media directly results in violent behavior. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #media #results #behavior
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An immensely controversial phenomenon in the contemporary epoch today relates to whether wild content leads to
aggressive
Correct article usage
an aggressive
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 nature or not. There is no denying the fact that has a plethora of superior influences. I firmly
diverge
Verb problem
disagree that
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 it is a cynical tendency and notwithstanding the stated notion.
This
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 discourse will
further
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 elucidate my assertions in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, there is a manifold of contestations in oblige of my slant. The most preponderant is that beyond doubt aggressive movies are an origin of amusement.
for instance
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, in a recent report, it emerged that watching scare and crime petrol in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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leisure time is topnotch across the globe.
In addition
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 to
this
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, there are numerous other blessings in various fields. Grace to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only does one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives and entertainment, with much ease, efficacy, and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand out in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
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, another pivotal element in the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
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, when only one follows
such
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 a system, can they broaden their horizons,
hence
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 learning these attributes as dedication and perseverance.
As a result
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, it is apparent why myriad is in the patronage of action shows.
to
Capitalize word
To
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 cite an example, Research findings reveal that more than 60% of the youth prefer to watch these contents and there is no actual rise or fall in the crime rates.
To sum up
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, the composition, I would like to restate my perspective that the fruitful vantages of
thrillers
Fix the agreement mistake
thriller
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 dramas are indeed too terrific to neglect the torment in the current era, fast-paced environment life obstacles, and challenges.
Submitted by Shabanraza489 on

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Task Response
Address the topic more directly and provide a clear stance on the issue of violent media and behavior.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraph structure and logical progression of ideas. Use transition words to link ideas together.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social learning theory
  • desensitization
  • cognitive development
  • aggression
  • correlation
  • causation
  • empirical studies
  • psychological theories
  • mediating factors
  • media literacy
  • critical thinking
  • empathy
  • contextual factors
  • societal norms
  • personality traits
  • environmental influences
  • parental guidance
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