IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Today's world relies heavily on the
internet
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. Like a coin with two sides, the
internet
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 has its own merits and demerits. The first and most significant disadvantage of the
internet
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 is
cybercrime
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. We see numerous cases of
money
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 theft reported worldwide, facilitated by advanced
internet
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 technologies, particularly related to
money
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 transfers. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss how to reduce
cybercrime
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 and ensure user safety through government control.
To begin
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 with,
cybercrime
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 contributes to around 40
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of crime cases reported worldwide. One major reason for
this
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 is the unrestricted availability of the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. Because of
this
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, people with a thief's mindset take advantage of it to steal
money
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.
For instance
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, the state of Uttar Pradesh in India has reported the highest
cybercrime
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 rate among its peers
due to
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 the significant amount of
money
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 stolen via the
internet
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. Authorities can impose some rules to control
internet
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 usage,
such
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 as regulating the dark web, which is directly involved in cybercrimes.
Besides
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, one shouldn't forget that the current generation enjoys many facilities because of advancements in the
internet
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 and technology.
On the other hand
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, if the government controls
internet
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 accessibility, it will make many nations similar to North Korea, leading to frustration among people, especially the younger generation.
For example
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, one can see a clear difference in the regime of North Korea compared to the remaining 126 countries.
As a result
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, our world could become less peaceful
due to
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 an increase in crime reports. The major reason for
this
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 is that we didn't grow up in
such
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 an environment, so a quick change in people's
regimen
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regimens
show examples
 would create more issues.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, it is good to implement some rules for the usage of the dark web and sites that do not ensure ethical hacking or legal
internet
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 usage.
However
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, I disagree with the statement that the government should control the
internet
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 to reduce
cybercrime
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 and ensure user safety for the reasons mentioned above.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, discussing both sides of the argument. However, your examples could be more varied and detailed to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay is generally good. However, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, you could use more linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on your main points with more specific examples or case studies. This will make your arguments more convincing and provide better support for your stance.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, making your essay easy to follow and understand.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective and a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybercrime
  • regulations
  • monitoring
  • suspicious activities
  • internet safety
  • user trust
  • e-commerce
  • censorship
  • freedom of speech
  • access to information
  • over-regulation
  • innovation
  • tech industry
  • data protection
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • technical limitations
  • digital landscape
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