IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people feel that equality between the genders has already been achieved while others feel there is considerable progress to be made. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Gender
Use synonyms
equality
Use synonyms
 has always been the heating debate among ordinary people and social activists. while some believe that modern
societies
Use synonyms
 have gained an acceptable level of
gender
Use synonyms
equality
Use synonyms
, I argue with those who feel we are still far away from desired equal opportunity between males and females. On the one hand, those who claim that we are living in
societies
Use synonyms
 with
gender
Use synonyms
equality
Use synonyms
 highlight the balance that might have been achieved in parental duties. To elaborate, while in the past there was a clear boundary between maternal and paternal tasks in the way that
women
Use synonyms
 were only in charge of taking care of children and household chores, today
such
Linking Words
 duties are divided equally between males and females in most families.
Therefore
Linking Words
. the previously established rules are tipped, and despite traditional
societies
Use synonyms
,
women
Use synonyms
 can build up their confidence by engaging in outdoor activities and earning a wage.
However
Linking Words
, in some African and Asian countries, some
societies
Use synonyms
 can be found that still strictly stick to their traditional values that the only breadwinners of families are men.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the supporters of taking progressive actions for greater
gender
Use synonyms
 impartiality refer to noticeable
gender
Use synonyms
 inequality in some jobs and political arenas. As for the former, there are some careers in which a female cannot be engaged due to the higher level of physical and mental abilities required for them.
For instance
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some research approves of some female capability of controlling an
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
show examples
, rarely do we see a woman pilot. Regarding the latter, in most countries around the globe,
such
Linking Words
 as Iran, the number of
women
Use synonyms
 politicians is too low not zero. Despite the growing quests among the general public, especially
women
Use synonyms
, rarely are females formally allowed to appear in the arenas of political competitions.
This
Linking Words
 is not only rooted in the existing systemic ideology but
also
Linking Words
 stems from media that constantly represents
women
Use synonyms
’s incompetency in taking formal political responsibilities. In conclusion, while
gender
Use synonyms
equality
Use synonyms
 might be seen sporadically in parental duties, I believe we require much more progressive actions to achieve the balance, especially in occupational and political areas.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: