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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, some countries are spending a lot of money to make it easier to use a bicycle. Why is this so? Is it the best solution to the transport problem?

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In the modern era of times, administrations are more concerned
to knock
Change preposition
with knocking
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 down the
transportation
Use synonyms
 problem without
making
Verb problem
causing
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 any harm to the environment. In many parts
around
Change preposition
of
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 the globe, a lot of investment has been made to make the use of bicycles more convenient.
This
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 essay will try to answer why the governments are doing so and
also
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 discuss whether it is the best solution to the
transportation
Use synonyms
 issue or not.
To begin
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 with, the administrations are looking for an environment-friendly
transportation
Use synonyms
 system. All over the world, the authorities are spending a huge sum of money on developing separate tracks for bikers because it is the only vehicle in the world that does not burn fossil fuel, say, petrol, octane, and so on. That’s why governments all around the globe have targeted
this
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 mode of
transportation
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 so that by popularizing it they can demolish
transportation
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 issues without damaging the surrounding environment.
In addition
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 to
this
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, popularizing bikes has some health benefits.
That is
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 to say, one can stay fit if
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
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use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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 a bicycle
instead
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 of
their
Change the word
a
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 private car.
Hence
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, they can overcome some serious health problems,
for example
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, obesity, overweight, and even many more. In response to the second question, I must say it is not the best way to tackle the issue of
transportation
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 because of two reasons.
Firstly
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, a two-wheeler is just a simple vehicle that can not carry more than a person. That’s why, when it comes to the question
to deal
Change preposition
of dealing
show examples
 with
transportation
Use synonyms
 problems,
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then
Rephrase
apply
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authorities should think of public modes of
vehicles
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicle
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,
for instance
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, trains, trams, and so on as they can move more than 50 persons and sometimes even more.
Secondly
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, the administration can cut a significant amount of the automobile tax so that each and every citizen
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 afford a family vehicle, say, a car. If they could do so, the
transportation
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 problem would definitely
reduce
Wrong verb form
be reduced
show examples
.
To sum up
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, many countries are spending a lot of money to make the bicycle more convenient to use because it is eco-friendly
as well as
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has some obvious health benefits.
However
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, I guess it is not the best way to overcome the issue of
transportation
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction provides a suitable opening to the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement to outline your position and the structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You should work on developing a more logical flow through clear paragraphing and use of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has an appropriate introduction and conclusion; your conclusion only restates the topic without summarizing the main points or restating your position, making the essay feel unfinished.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant, but the development of these ideas is sometimes superficial. You need to extend your support with more detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
The position you take is not entirely clear throughout the essay; your concluding paragraph introduces a new argument rather than summarizing the presented ones. Be sure your response directly addresses the prompts throughout.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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