IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
Nowadays, there is
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 consideration
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 enhancing of well-being levels of ageing people than past,
however
, It originated from improvements in the healthcare system. Paying consideration to
providing
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 a comfortable and convenient cure for older is a good decision for our communities and I will explain various reasons for
this
 statement. It doesn't need to young community to manage our demands, we need healthy people with an active role in doing their responsibilities.
First
 of all,
growth
 expectancy is a determinative factor in having a generous
growth
 and It depends on human dignity in the ageing period of activity, so, access to convenient cures and getting consideration from younger can be reducing the worrying about the elderly activity and enhance indirectly the
growth
 expectancy.
Second
, if the healthcare system can successfully improve the health level of individuals we can concentrate on other abilities of humans which have been constructed on a stronger experience.
Third
, Old people are a great source of cultural role models in each society to share their experiences and historical events with children and younger, so, If they would have a longer active life in our societies we can share many memorial and practical lessons for having a better life. In conclusion, Governments and health care organizations have got a good decision to pay more attention to providing better energy assistance and effective treatment for the elderly to increase individual
growth
 expectancy, using older as
a cultural role models
Correct the article-noun agreement
a cultural role model
cultural role models
show examples
 for children and younger and creating a new version of human in regarding a long-living.
Submitted by homa.ebrahimi987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: