Some people think that it’s a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life compeletly separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People
have different views about what the best form of relationship among
colleagues
is.
While
some individuals argue that it is good to have a friendly relationship with the
people
from our workplace, I personally agree with those who believe that it is essential to separate personal
life
from professional
life
. It is true that being friends with your
colleagues
and having some weekend gatherings with them could be delightful.
To begin
with, The majority of
people
spend more than ten hours at
work
with the
people
who they
work
with. These long hours of working might lead employees to have deeper relationships with each other.
As a result
, the staff tend to communicate friendlier and want to know their
colleagues
’ families.
Besides
, having a friendlier atmosphere in the
office
might increase the
work
efficiency. In that case, the employees see the company as their family, so they may put more effort in order to reach the company’s target.
As a result
, all the staff would try harder because they have a sense of empathy
regard to
Replace the word
regarding
show examples
their
colleagues
.
However
, I believe that there should be a distance between private
life
and
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
some reasons.
Firstly
, it is not right for staff to make a decision because of their feeling toward their
colleagues
. The evening gathering leads
people
to have more than a professional relationship with each other. If two
people
who
work
in the same
office
had a fight at one of the evening parties, the consequences of their manners would have a negative impact on their job positions.
Secondly
,
people
have to
distinct
Replace the word
distinguish
show examples
their emotions toward their family and their
colleagues
. A person must experience love and passion at home and spend quality time with his or her family. Spending a weekend far away from the
office
atmosphere will help an employee to have a fresh start at the beginning of the week. In conclusion,
although
some
people
suppose that visiting
colleagues
out of the
office
is a good idea, I assume that
people
should detach their private
life
from their
office
life
.
Submitted by Negar_seddigh on

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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Work on refining transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to ensure the flow of ideas is totally seamless.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas effectively.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both views on the topic and clearly stated your own opinion, which aligns well with the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cohesive work environment
  • work-life balance
  • renewed focus
  • interpersonal relationships
  • professional boundaries
  • fostering
  • blur the lines
  • burnout
  • networking opportunities
  • informal mentorships
  • career advancement
  • workplace dynamics
  • personal well-being
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